I haven't blogged for awhile and honestly, it really doesn't matter because I know no one (yet) reads this. My life has changed 100% since I started the Mosaic at Home process. So, Sadie moved in Dec. 17th and it has been a learning and growing process for both of us. I have found that altogether I anticipated a dramatic change in my life, living in the moment is still even more dramatic. I had some individuals express concern regarding my social life once I started this and that is truly a real thing. Now, for me, my social wasn't anything to be impressed with before so I can't say Im less active. It morely is the times when I want to and am able to, I have to find a relief/respite option. I parrellel this experience to becoming a mother. Although I am not family and have not known her for long, I have stepped into a role that puts me into a parenting aspect. The lines blur very easily. This is different than a staff aspect in some ways because parents deal more with the overall aspect of their child vs staff deal with moments and then pass off at the end of the day. I am 24/7 with her. Yes, she does have times when she leaves to spend time with her family but overall, we are together each day all day. I have found that I am losing moments where I feel I can truly breathe. This I contribute to the newness of the situation and still adjusting to it. I also contribute it to the 24/7 aspect. I am optimistic though that this will be changing in the near future so that will allow both of us some individuality and breathing room.
Ok...thats enough of that. Love life. I'm currently in a questionable situation. One of which I have made a choice to remain in so can not fully blame my potential man because I've chosen to remain in the situation. What's the situation? We never see each other. Long distance? Nope. Incarcerated? LOL Hell No! Married? Get the F outta here! So..what?! ...Man, he just works too much. *sigh* Me and this man have been off and on a few times(including this time) the past 4-5 years. I don't think either of us have gotten to the L word but I've definitely wanted to get there but struggled with waiting to never see him. Oh...did I add that he has a newborn? Nope. Well, he does and although that isn't a problem in general, in my head, it's another reason why he'll never really have time for me. **update** So when writing this, he messaged me and came over to visit. Just as I was getting in my feelings he pops up. On one side, it's so great. On the other side, oh no! he's trying to make this work which gives me less excuses. I don't know how I'm feeling.
So, on a secret note, I've started using dating apps again. Now, there haven't really been many guys I've talked to but I'll met up with a couple. I can't say any sparks have flown. There is one guy that I already knew of. Although he is attractive, I don't feel like physically there was much attraction between us. I do think though that he would be a good friend. I am going to try and pursue that with him. If that doesn't work..on with the day.