Well here I am about 6 months into the Mosaic at Home program and man has it been a journey. I can say that my life
has become completely unrecognizable. So things I want to work on:
Relaxing---I have found that I am quite tense almost all of the time when Sadie is around. Why? I contribute
this to the inability I feel to truly relax because she requires so much attention. I now yearn for the quiet. I
enjoy a good conversation but I am a person that can isolate and love it! I don't have that much anymore and I miss it.
Even the easy things such as watching TV is filled with background noise about this and that. Now to be fair, I don't always
have that issue but after a period of continual talking, I start to ignore for sanity. Some people recognize this and will start
to end that conversation or give room for the other person to contribute to the converation. My mom is someone too who doesn't
get this either. It can cause my system to overload. I tend to just absorb and deal with it but it does bug me.
Smile and Joke more---I have found that I have done this less with her. Why? I find that she takes up so much of the
conversation that I've lost the fun. Also when someone laughs at everything, nothing becomes funny. So that's what happens, things
I do find funny, I'm not laughing at anymore out of concern that will produce continued speech. So, I don't react so thatshe doesn't
react. This can make me come off as overly serious---which is how I now feel--and mean---which is not my intention. So, I need to
figure out a balance.
Balancing between our lives---Although I am paid daily to help care for her, I am still able to have a life myself. I don't though
very much. Almost my immediate response to request to hang out(unless it's weekends she's at home), is no. This is even before I know
that I can or can not go. I have pretty much stopped going to my pole and aerial classes which I enjoyed. This can become areas of resentment
which is not what I want to feel. I need to plan more than based on my wants so I still feel like I have a life of my own.
Ok..enough work talk. Love life? Non-existent...still.
We did go on a cruise in early May which was really fun. Although it was a vacation, it wasn't really because I was still working but it did
partially scratch that itch for adventure, travel and sand. Angie was talking about a mexico trip in August so I may join her there as well.
I do need to start using my dreamtrips stuff but now that I have it, I noticed you really need 2 people or the prices are going to be higher.
I don't have two so I think that's the hold up. It'll be nice when Ntumba gets his greencard so he can start traveling.
Friendships? Well, my potential friendship with Stefanie came to an end a couple weeks ago. I don't feel any type of way about it because
although we did have fun times, there was also that underlining concern about how she spoke to people. It was quite harsh at times which may
be related to other personal issues. Sometimes though bluntness is a good thing so I can't say that I disagreed with the bluntness of her speech.
I do feel that it is unfortunate that it prevents the individuals from being together but at least it didn't severe the connections I have with
the our mini group. So, it didn't change much in my world because even before, I was slowing down hanging out with her anyway indirectly(not making
plans to have her over/go over).
So, what's the good stuff?
I would hate for this entry to be so blah and negative so the good things!
I PAID OFF MY CAR!!!! I am so excited about this! Although, I was probably in my last year, it still had an amount on it that felt like a lot.
Knowing that the work I do with Sadie can yield this benefit, makes me feel motivated to continued
I only have 3 more classes left for Web Dev certificate! So I hope to be done with the web dev program in December. My hope is to decide whether
or not this can become a full time opportunity(and possibly stop host home if I can't do both). (Squirrel moment) So, my goal was to move out of
Iowa around 30 y.o. I have been talking about that since when myra and I were friends(3+ years ago). Now, this is still appealing to me BUT so is
the potential to increase my bank account before I end up in a random state knowing nobody. So if Sadie's parents want to do another year, I will probably
be open to doing that. If not, I will have (God willing) my certificate and am marketable within the field. I can find work here or in another state and
develop my craft. I feel either way, I can make this work. (lets bring it back--squirrel moment over) I'm super excited to really start this craft.
Hopefully working on perfecting this site will help. I really should redesign this site. Hmmm. I may just do that in the next few months depending on
time with school. That first.
(I'm struggling---lol) Um, lets see. (5 minutes later...still thinking). Well, regardless those two are good enough for me! I'm sure there are more
that in this moment elude my memory but I thank God for those things I have forgotten to mention.